OMG -- I am the younger woman!

After we came home from Charleston, I wanted to catch up on my reading of the Sunday New York Times. I opened to the Business Section and that's when I saw it...

...the front page story and a picture of Ireland's best-known building developer, Sean Dunne and his wife. I looked at him and I looked at her and thought: "Wow. Another successful guy who marries a younger woman. How pathetic." And, that's when I realized --

I am the younger woman.

It's true. I married a man who is a number of years older than I. Well, chronologically speaking that is, because everyone who knows him, knows that he is really 10, going on __. (He did wear an M&M coat last night!) But, then again, so am I. That's why we get on so well together. :o) He'll be unhappy that I wrote this, but I believe the secret to life is to remain young at heart and wise in the spirit. That's what I meant by being 10. He's young at heart! And, wise in spirit.

And, I know that there are many people who look at me that way -- the younger woman who married the older guy. Of course, there are lots of assumptions that go along with that caricature. He's having a mid-life crisis, she's a gold-digger, he wants a trophy wife (I flatter myself!) and she wants an older, successful man, he has emotional issues, she has "Daddy-figure" issues. I know these things because that's what I've thought about others, not even consciously, but subconsciously these thoughts are triggered in my mind.

I have been critical of couples where there seems to be a large age difference. Instead of seeking to understand the relationship, I have had an almost instinctive response that something isn't quite right, that it isn't normal, that to be normal, people need to couple with others in their own age group, and on and on and on.

And, now here I am. The object of that criticism...for some. I want these people to know that have compassion for this way of thinking. I understand the desire to want to categorize me and my relationship with Landon as simply a May-December coupling, to put it into a neat box, to attach an interpretation to our outward projection, rather than to seek to find what unites us.

Because the truth is, Landon is the love of my life. Completely, absolutely. We are so perfectly matched to each other, I have to pinch myself sometimes. Our sense of commitment and unconditional love for one another is almost ethereal, other-worldly, like that of an unrequited love that spanned generations only to be blessed by finding each other in this lifetime. I cherish every moment with him and thank that Higher Power for bringing us together. "Yea", sing the angels, "they have found each other."

Some people get that. Like the kind man who sat to my right at dinner last night, who has a different heritage, who is a generation apart, yet he perceives the depth of our love for each other. Because he seeks to understand, without judgment. Would that we all could do that. To look beneath the surface exterior, the superficial packaging, to find what's within, one's thinking, values, character, essence, divine being. To take the time to find the truth.

Others don't get it. I know there are people who can't understand our marriage or who don't want to. Actually, many of them can't see me. For some reason, it seems to be more the case with men than with women. Maybe that's because at least women have being a woman in common. I think to these guys I seem like some out-of-space alien creature, with a different worldview, from a strange planet. They avoid eye contact, they don't know what to say, they feel uncomfortable around me.

Is it because I'm attractive? Because I'm smart? Because being pretty and smart is intimidating? Because their wives would give them a difficult time at home because they were talking to the attractive "new thing" on the block? No, I don't think so. I think that they are intrinsically uncomfortable trying to find a point of connection with someone that they perceive to be so far from how they view themselves that they are unwilling to come out of their safe containers, their habitual thoughtplaces, their cerebral boxes, to entertain the possibility of seeing and experiencing something else, something outside of their comfort zone. Why? Because being confronted with a different world perspective might challenge their own assumptions and alter the safe haven of thought they live within. And, that, my friend, can be terrifying. I understand.

Being the younger woman has taught me many things, not the least of which is that chronological age means nothing. I know people my age who think like old people, stubborn, inflexible and rigid in thought, and I have friends who are considered elderly (at age 101) but who remain curious, flexible, inquisitive, playful, open-minded and fun. Where I live, people tend to be retired and older, but there are so many who are vital, active and strong that I feel they are my peers, without a trace of age, and I can't wait to share many moments of fun with them.

Remember, you are as old as you think. Literally.